Three Ways To Ride a Wave

You are swimming in the ocean and you look towards the horizon to see what the next wave looks like. 

Oh shit.

That wave is BIG!

You immediately get that wave of panic running through your body and you start to think of your options. You sense danger so your first instinct is to run away. But trying to swim towards shore at this moment would mean that you get caught in the break, thrown about, and washed up onto shore. Um, no. Been there, done that. 

On this particular day I was at Twin Lakes beach in Santa Cruz. It’s a great swimming spot and I was with my parents, siblings, and our kids. What an awesome day full of family, sun, and surf. You really can’t beat that.

It doesn’t happen that often. We all live in separate places (my sister moved to Siberia!) so a day like this is golden. I am one of five kids and four of us (plus our parents and kids) were at the beach that day.

My older brother and sister and I were in the water enjoying the last hurrah before we were going to pack up for the day. We grew up in Northern California so we all have a good amount of experience swimming in the ocean. However, naturally as you get older you are more afraid than when you were a care free kid being bounced around by the waves. After all, by now you have heard countless stories of the people being pulled out by the strong tide, especially in these parts.

Anyway, there it was. Man, I knew I should have gotten out after that last wave! Well, too late now. Here it comes. Oh man--what to do!

As I watched the wave grow before me and get closer I continued to weigh my options. I had already ruled out a clean escape. I know that diving under is the best bet but I was hoping the timing would be right. I was hoping it wouldn’t break right in front of me and tousle me back to shore. 

It was getting closer, and time was running out. My body was filled with adrenaline and I needed to make a move. 

I jumped forward and dove under hoping that I was close enough to the wave to come out on the other side. I swam for a moment, resurfaced, and then turned towards shore to watch the wave continue past me taking everybody else along with it.

Now was my chance. I’m out of here! 

I felt super charged that I had done it. I had conquered that wave. But I really didn’t feel like rolling the dice on the next one, so I high-tailed it out of the water and went towards our little camp to dry off. My siblings had the same idea and we all gathered to tell stories about that last monster of a wave.

My brother said “You dove under, didn’t you.” 

“Yes,” I said proudly, feeling super accomplished--like I had successfully tackled the challenge of the day.

“Yeah, I probably should have done that. I saw you go forward and dive under. I stayed where I was and tried to jump with it. I almost made it but it kind of knocked me over at the top because it was just too big. I got knocked around a bit.”

My sister was the last of us to get back to our spot. She had decided to take a step back, and just that step was enough to get her totally pummeled by the wave. She went down for a bit, but she is pretty experienced with ocean swimming, so she was able to get her bearings and swim back to shore. 

I sat there as we all told our stories thinking about how interesting that was. We were all three directly in line in the ocean, waiting for that wave. We all three had different reactions and handled the wave differently with varying outcomes.

Immediately I wondered if the way we handled the wave was a reflection of our individual personalities, of how we approach different problems or life circumstances.

And then I thought about all of the other times I had been in the ocean, and how I had handled waves all of those ways and many more, so instead of it being a reflection of my personality, it was a direct result of where I was in that moment.

So one day I might step forward and dive under.

Another day I could possibly stand firm and jump with the wave.

And yet another day I might back up in hopes of avoiding the wave all together.

Point being, whatever I have going on on the inside is going to affect how I react on the outside. So what can I do to prepare for life’s never-ending waves? How can I be ready to tackle the wave in the best possible way to prevent me from getting beat up by it?

The answer is to be prepared. To work on my skills so that I am in the best shape possible to take on that wave. And I’m not referring to physical shape or skills. I’m talking about mental and emotional skills. Although on the subject of battling the waves some calisthenics and practice swimming in the ocean might not hurt!

Here are some of the basic skills you can work on to be ready for life’s inevitable challenges:

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being in the moment. It is about living fully in the present and not letting the past or future dominate your space. It is also about being aware of your thoughts and feelings in that moment. As I explained in my analysis of why I reacted a certain way to the wave, it is what’s going on internally that makes us react how we do. That is all we can control. External events are usually beyond our control. So focus on what you can control.

In order to practice mindfulness you can practice meditation or breathing exercises. Starting from as little as two minutes a day, you can practice by focusing on your breathing. When you feel your mind starting to wander regarding what needs to get done that day or what bills you need to pay, you refocus back on your breath. It is a practice, and like anything else, you will get better at it in time. 

Also, you don’t have to be sitting cross legged to practice mindfulness. You can practice while doing any activity. While you are cooking, for example, be fully present in the task at hand. When you are chopping carrots you are simply chopping carrots; not chopping carrots and trying to solve the world’s problems all at the same time. When you go out for a walk, pay close attention to your surroundings and appreciate each tree or each flower as you pass by. When you feel your attention wander, bring it back to the here and now. Being free of distraction and fully aware of what is happening internally will help you deal with the chaos of external circumstances.

Confidence

Where your confidence level is directly affects how you will react in that moment. Confidence, like mindfulness, is a practice that can be developed regardless of what many people think. If you are feeling confident and sure of yourself, you will take action. On the contrary, when you begin to doubt yourself, you back away from the task and will never make any progress. Using the wave example, confidence in that moment allowed me to step forward and dive under the wave, which left me feeling even more confident because I conquered it. It is a cycle that builds on itself. On the contrary, backing away from the wave led to a more disastrous outcome and possibly a slight loss in confidence for the next time.

Here are some tips for working on your confidence, so that when the wave comes you are ready. Because you have been working on your mindfulness, it will be easier to be aware when the negative self talk starts, or the moments of self doubt. When you hear that, stop yourself. Every single time. Stop yourself mid-thought. Replace it with a phrase that exudes confidence. Instead of saying “I’ll never figure this out,” you can say,  “I’m excited to figure this out.” Instead of “I’m not good enough,” you can say, “I am MORE than enough!” Be consistent in this practice. Before you know it you will have replaced the negative with the positive. 

Courage

Courage might sound like confidence, but it is really taking things one step further. You might work on your confidence muscle, but then you need to flex that muscle. Courage is the action part of the equation, and it means that you are willing to do something that frightens you. It means that you are willing to go outside of your comfort zone and perform.

Is it public speaking that terrifies you? Sign up for your local Toastmasters Chapter to practice speaking in a supportive environment. Is it swimming in the ocean that frightens you? Take a dip in the nearest ocean! Low tide and when the lifeguard is present of course! Whatever it is that scares you or challenges you, that is what you need to do. Step outside of your comfort zone as often as possible because that is where real change happens. Once you are used to moving past the discomfort, those waves will have a harder time knocking you down.

Resilience

Let’s face it. No matter what you do or how you will prepare, there will be waves that will knock you down. We all know this to be true. Life has a way of punching you in the gut when you least expect it. Resilience provides us with the ability to recover quickly from those punches. 

Process the events, learn from them of course, and then bring yourself right back to the present. This goes hand and hand with mindfulness. Don’t get stuck in the event. Don’t wallow in it and relive it constantly. Take what you need from it, as there is always something, and then move on. Each time you get knocked down you get a little better at staying on your feet.

Surrender

Surrender is about letting go. Letting go of the attachments you have to the event and also letting go of whatever your expectations of the outcome might be. This is important because holding on too tightly to one belief or expectation closes us off to the many other, sometimes better possibilities that are out there. As far as the ocean goes, do you know what you’re supposed to do when you are getting swept out by a riptide? Don’t resist or try to swim against the tide which is what instinct will have you do. You will never swim fast enough and you will just tire yourself out. Instead, float with the tide, swim out sideways if you can, and if not, conserve your energy until the riptide spits you out. At that time you can swim back to shore.

Having a desired outcome, expectation, or goal is great. But hold onto it loosely. Be aware that the end result can change along the way. Be open to that. Instead of focusing all of your energy on the outcome, focus more on today, and what you can do today to bring yourself closer to the desired outcome. 

Gratitude

Gratitude is yet another practice that we can get better at. There are times when it is hard to see past the bullshit. It is hard to think about what we are grateful for. But those are the most important times to remind ourselves what we ARE grateful for. I use this as a tool with my kids. If they are in a mood (oh you know the moods I’m talking about) then I ask them to name three things they are grateful for. It might take them a few minutes. But I swear, when they are done they are in a better mood. They are living proof of the way gratitude can affect our mindset and how we show up in the world.

Practice this daily. It is a very simple one. Pick a time of day, either first thing in the morning or before bed are great options, and just write down three things you are grateful for that day. Take it one step further and write WHY you are grateful for each thing.

Because on that day at the beach, even in that moment when that big wave was coming right for me, I was overflowing with gratitude. Gratitude for having both my parents alive and with us. Gratitude for the sun and the beautiful beach day. For my husband, kids, siblings, nieces and nephews, sisters-in-law, the ability to swim in the ocean no matter how cold, and the ability to be fully present and appreciate the beauty of that moment. I am filled up with warmth and love just thinking about it. And when I am full, I can pass it along to others.