To be completely transparent I am writing this just after having binge watched The Queen's Gambit (which was excellent btw), and I'm writing about clearing distractions and obstacles so that you can get down to business and meet your goals. Funny, right? Maybe I haven't totally mastered the subject. But meet me where I am, and I'll meet you where you are, deal? 

It is the Saturday after Thanksgiving in the middle of a pandemic, and we are basically in lockdown again. So a day of laziness was kind of called for. Allowing yourself to take a moment to do those things is not the problem. Allowing those moments to overtake your life, is. 

After a short errand I walked back into the house and saw my unmade bed with the remote control and the TV was still silently streaming Netflix previews. It all looked so tempting, but I really wanted to get some work done and anyway, the series was over so I couldn't hang out with Beth and the gang anymore even if I wanted to. I thought about...

You are swimming in the ocean and you look towards the horizon to see what the next wave looks like. 

Oh shit.

That wave is BIG!

You immediately get that wave of panic running through your body and you start to think of your options. You sense danger so your first instinct is to run away. But trying to swim towards shore at this moment would mean that you get caught in the break, thrown about, and washed up onto shore. Um, no. Been there, done that. 

On this particular day I was at Twin Lakes beach in Santa Cruz. It’s a great swimming spot and I was with my parents, siblings, and our kids. What an awesome day full of family, sun, and surf. You really can’t beat that.

It doesn’t happen that often. We all live in separate places (my sister moved to Siberia!) so a day like this is golden. I am one of five kids and four of us (plus our parents and kids) were at the beach that day.

My older brother and sister and I were in the water enjoying the last hurrah...

You have something in mind that you want to accomplish. Let’s face it--you probably have a ton of things in mind that you want to accomplish. But when you choose that one thing to focus on, what is the one way to ensure that you will get there? Of course, you set goals! 

Goal setting is definitely a key part of the success equation, but how you set those goals will really determine whether you reach your goal or whether it gets stuck in idea mode.

This comes up in many of my coaching sessions. The secret to setting goals, which will help you move the needle, is to set small, bite sized ones. 

Specific and measurable goals that are also realistic.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

You’ve always wanted to write that book. A very successful published writer once told me that there is only one thing you need to do in order to be a writer. You guessed it...WRITE!!! Many of us aspiring writers consistently struggle to do just that. But let’s say you have a...

The question “Who am I?” could garner different responses depending on which phase of my life I am in at that time. There have been many phases, and the older I get, the harder it is to stay in touch with the versions from my distant past. There are many factors that might dictate my answer-such as:  what is going on in my life externally and as a result, where is my confidence level?

Am I feeling like a good mother?

Am I on track, career wise? 

Are my relationships where I want them to be?

Have I accomplished what I want?

All of these things frame the way I see myself at the time, and as we go through the ups and downs and twists and turns of life, my self image shifts right along with it.

There are many coaching exercises designed to help you find yourself or your purpose that guide you towards your younger self. They have you tap into them, in my case her, and recall her essence. 

Who am I/Who was I?

What was she...

There is a time to learn, and there is a time to shut it all off and create.

 

That is where I am right now. I am physically dizzy with all of the information that I have been consuming over the past few months.

 

Dizzy and overwhelmed.

 

It is normal to have these feelings, especially in the context of building a new business, where other emotions such as fear of failure and of not being good enough live. The emotions are normal, and everybody from your neighbor, to your mother, to the most successful people on the planet experience them. It actually makes me feel better knowing that. The question is not whether you have moments of self doubt or not. Because we all do. The question is what do you do with it? What do you do after the feeling?

The thoughts and actions that follow that moment of self doubt are what matters.

 

It determines whether you make progress in the next year or stay where you are...stuck. And what would you prefer at the end of that...

Coaching has a pretty specific structure that is designed to help you, as the client, to level up in some way. It could be in any area of your life depending on where you want to focus whether that is career or business, relationships, health and wellness, spirituality, or your finances just to name a few. The idea is, you pick a topic, and you and your coach dive in.

Throughout the session you will explore that topic, gain new insights and perspectives, and come up with an action plan that will help you stay on track. So how can you maximize the time with your coach and ensure that you walk away in a better place than when you started?

Here are a few ways to set yourself up for a successful coaching session:

Be specific with your agenda or topic that you choose to discuss with your coach. 

Most coaches will ask you ahead of time to select an agenda, or what you want to focus on during the session. Some coaches will ask you to send them your agenda the day before the session....

Did you know that according to psychology there are only two main motivations that cause us to make decisions in life? Those are:

1. To avoid pain
2. To seek pleasure

That’s it; it’s either one or the other.

They are not talking, necessarily, about physical pain and pleasure, but more importantly about psychological pain and pleasure. The stronger instinct of the two is avoiding pain, so that is the driving force behind most of your decisions; especially when there is any possible life change involved.

So what types of decisions are we talking about here? And what type of pain is it that we are avoiding by making these decisions?

For example, you are unhappy at your job but the idea of looking for a new job sounds overwhelming. Overwhelm is pain so you stay in your uncomfortable comfort zone at your unsatisfying job. 

Or you want to get more sales in your business but that means putting yourself out there which makes you uncomfortable just thinking about it. Discomfort...

Sometimes identifying what is wrong is easier than finding what is right. I have spent the past fifteen to twenty years feeling that things weren’t right in terms of my career, but also not knowing how to fix it. That’s a long time to feel like what you are doing is out of alignment with who you are, and it does eventually take a toll.

I went through the motions. I even enjoyed what I was doing at times. After all, I had some pretty cool jobs (dance teacher, Realtor, event planner, etc.). But all the while I still had that feeling that something wasn’t right. I have had conversations with friends and family over the years about what my dreams were, but it felt like just that...a dream. I never managed to make it feel real. I never believed that it really would be. I lacked the confidence for that and I blamed myself for past decisions that got me where I was. I didn’t yet realize that I was doomed with that type of thinking. That what I was putting out there...